~~So many emotions~~

I am 28 weeks along now. YUPPIE!!!

Around this time .... i start to think.. what if. How would? what would she ? My mind doesn't stop thinking about mom. Lately i have been looking at the boys and seeing her. In ways Lucas looks or Austin acts, i see her. And it hurts.

It may not make sense to anyone else. But i crave one more min with her. Even a sec i would take. I go into having this baby thinking its not fair.

Why is it everyone else i know has there mom or dad or their family right by their side. Where i do not. Sure i have family but i wonder always what are they really thinking. They are very two face so its hard to know the real emotions and the fake.

Friends are there (some who are like family) but at the same time they are not. Right now none of them are pregnant or just don't have kids.

Something so dumb a few of the girls went out on the weekend to a club, (which really i wouldn't have gone) but i felt so left out. Wasn't asked(knowing i would say know) but my feelings were crushed. I felt like was nobody. Trust me i know they had not wanted me to think or feel that. But there i was feeling fat pregnant and alone. Cried for an hour. ( now i think that is more being preggers) but i couldn't stop. Gary tried to make me feel better. But it didn't work. He is a guy.. LOL doesn't really get it.
instead we stayed home and rented a movie ( My Life in Ruins which wasn't to bad) but there i was watching the clock and knowing around what time they were at the club dancing around and partying with out me. Ya know shut up already LOL ....

Back to mom. i have been listening to a lot of Reba and Garth brooks and it makes me feel a little closer to her. The Dance makes me cry the min it starts.

oh what is the point of having a brother if you never see him or hear from him.

I wish Liz wasn't in Alberta. She is to far away to go and see when i need to cry. She seems to always get me. (thanks you)

Jessica is doing her own thing. Running...YOU GO GIRL... hell knows it wouldn't be me.. LOL.. iam proud she found something she can get into.

Sarah is doing whatever she is doing... LOL... still in that newlywed stage i think. LOL..

Amanda is working hard for an ass and doing a lot for the ones she loves. ( my heart hopes she finds her true love and gets what she wants...and her own place. LOL)

Wait this almost sound like a will..

and i leave the boys ...all four of them to all of you. LOL


I JUST MISS MY MOMMY.

thanks for reading my vent..... doesn't mean anything so forget you read it.

PS it bugs me that Gary wants and is fighting with me to put Gary in the middle name. I FUCKING HATE THAT..... i don't want his name in there. GOD DAMN HE BUGS ME.

also i don't care what anyone thinks about the name We have Picked... By the way iam not telling any of you till he comes out LOL

I also am hating DPNS.. LOL... seems you say maybe you might come back in Jan and they are down your thourt trying to get you back sooner or atleast get your money... RELAX i will tell you if iam coming back when i know.. LOL.. leave JEss alone.