What did i do???????????????????
Why is it out of everyone i know why is it me. Why do i have everyone die one me. WTF did i do. everyone dies.
started when i was 9 years old and has not stopped since.
AUNT NORA Jan 1992
MOM 1997
UNCLE DWIGHT 1998
PAT 2002
GRANDPA 2004
Aunt Frances
Aunt MAX 2010
and iam sure iam missing ones. then there are close friends ...
I just don't understand anymore.
I thought at one point all things happen for a reason.
What is the reason
so I
MELISSA can be alone.
I think of my nanny and how she must feel.
She buried her child a husband a sister and then some.
I am going to be like that.
but worse. I will be the last one.. i know it.
I will have to watch all my loved ones die.... while i can't do anything about it.
its hard ppl still tell me how strong iam for going on when mom died.
but did i really go one. Or am i still that 16year old girl hiding in her room. Crying.
the hurt i feel knowing my kids will never get to meet the most amazing crazy mother in the world. It hurts to try to tell them mommy has no family because they have all died.
the song says
your in the arms of the angels.
i just want them back in my arms.
its not fair.
2 comments:
Darling,
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. If you are able, please tell me if there is anything you need.
With love,
Em
Oh my dear Melissa. I'm so sorry that you're going through another loss. Eventhough it feels like it right now, you are not alone. You have your children and your husband. I know it won't help now, but it will later...hold on to them and your love for them will help you through this! I love you and I'm sorry I'm too far away to help you.
Keep talking about it and writing about it...that's one of the most healthy things you can do :) love you!!!
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